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When you’re feeling sorry for yourself, it’s hard not to focus on others. You’ve got so many problems and they don’t have any…as far as you can see. Their social network photos and updates are always happy-go-lucky. All smiles, parties, and holidays. They’ve got the perfect family photos, perfect friend snaps, and romantic pics with a good-looking partner.
So there you are, looking over their albums, and your face would turn green if it could. You would swap places with them if you could. The way your life’s going, you might never come back. Why not stay there in the land of sun and fun?
All this makes you feel even sorrier for yourself. You feel depressed about the rut you’re in. You feel sad that this moment is happening to you. You feel guilty for wishing it onto someone else. You feel scared that things will never get better. You might even feel that this life should just end so you’ll be “free”.
But you don’t want to feel that way anymore. That’s why you’re here. You’re fed up with feeling sorry for yourself.
So, how do you change?
Actually, you keep doing what you’re doing but turn everything on its head.
Keep comparing yourself to others, but find people who are worse off than you. There’s always someone out there who would love to swap places with you.
Here are some examples of how to put your life into perspective without real life examples.
You: My parents are divorcing.
KIIP: Orphans out there have no parents.
You: My boyfriend of two years dumped me.
KIIP: My husband of twenty years, father of my three kids, and the breadwinner, left me for someone else.
You: I didn’t get that raise.
KIIP: I’m the breadwinner, with a family of four, mortgage, and car payments…They just let me go.
You: I failed my exam.
KIIP: I can’t afford to attend school.
You: Pregnancy is tough.
KIIP: I’m infertile.
You: My ears keep ringing. I’ll never have silence again.
KIIP: I’ve got total silence. I’m deaf.
You: I’ve got eye floaters.
KIIP: I might have some but they don’t bother me. I’m blind.
You: I’ve got fat genes.
KIIP: I’ve got cancer genes.
You: I’m terminally ill.
KIIP: I’m dead.
Need real life stories?
First option, watch or read the news. It can be depressing, but KIIP means everything you see will help you in a positive way. See the horrors life throws at people and be grateful. It could’ve been you.
Second option, read history books. See what your ancestors overcame, for example, my slave ancestors survived rape, hangings, lynchings, whippings, drowning, and more. Suddenly my OCD doesn’t seem so bad.
Third option, look back at those “perfect” people you envy and see their perfect lives for what they really are: Imperfect.
That holiday? Maybe the first they’ve taken in years.
That hot partner? They argue, make up and break up like everyone else.
That happy status update? They don’t post the sad ones.
That family photo? They argue like all families.
That great job? After months searching without success.
See? When you’re down you’re irrational. You forget to be realistic. During the tough times, it seems like no one has problems but you.
But that’s not true.
Everyone has problems. Everyone includes those people you envy. They hide their problems better.
That’s their secret.
Image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Right now, honestly, seriously, I’m struggling. My tinnitus seems worse than ever, but habituation seems to be helping. Still, it doesn’t stop me feeling down at times. You know how it is when you feel down…
“Like I haven’t got enough problems!”
“My life sucks!”
“It’ll get worse!”
“No one understands me.”
I still have down moments, but that’s life. But I don’t stay down. I get back up.
It’s time for YOU to get back up too.
Are you ready?
Yes, because you’re here with me.
Release the tension. To move on from what’s troubling us, we need to shed the negativity that manifests through feelings that need to be released. Man or woman, boy or girl, whoever you are… let go. Release the pain. Cry. Scream. Roar. Exercise. Meditate. Sleep. Do whatever it takes to get an instant release. There’s no shame. It’s not a sign of weakness.
Step One- Release the pain.
Do it. Right now.
Seriously. I’ll wait here.
Step Two- Treat yourself!
Now you’re going to pamper yourself. As long as it isn’t harmful, treat yourself with whatever you like. It could be dinner at a restaurant, a night at the movies, hours playing video games, a day at the salon, date night with that special someone, etc, etc, etc.
“But it costs too much.”
One day won’t hurt. Or get someone else to pay. Or find a discount code or voucher.
“But there’s work to do!”
All work and no play makes Jack have a nervous breakdown.
“I’m not in the mood…”
Feeling sorry for ourselves puts us in a bad mood. To start moving on, we must feel better. Then we’ll have more motivation to get through this. Or you could just stay feeling miserable…
Go have some fun!
See you later, whether that’s today or tomorrow…
Done it? Great!
You’re well rested, rejuvenated from a well-earned treat (you deserve it just for taking the first steps to change), and feeling much better.
Step Three-Can you fix it? Then fix it!
My ear ringing can’t be fixed right now. One day there will be more methods to handle it, reduce it, even cure it, but right now, there’s no off switch.I also can’t fix my eye floaters, OCD or Social Anxiety, but that’s life. Sometimes we can “fix” it and sometimes we can’t.
But can you fix yours?
If yes, time to start. Taking action will change everything. Just by planning, you’ll change the course of your life.
The past is set, but the future is up to you.
So get motivated and start planning for your future. One day you will be free of your problem, whether its weight loss, low confidence, debt, etc, but you’ll never be free if you choose self-pity over action.
But what if you can’t “fix” it?
Step Four-Manage it!
My tinnitus is always with me, yet there are moments when I forget about it. It’s true for almost everything life throws at you. Your body is always willing to adapt. Like if you lose your sight and your hearing improves. Or lose your legs and your arms get stronger.
Your brain is also willing to adapt.
If I feel sad about my ears, the ringing gets worse. I breathe faster. My mind races through all the worst case scenarios. Then my subconscious makes the ringing louder because my conscious focused on it.
A seemingly endless cycle.
There is always a way to manage. Always. Whether it’s depression, anxiety, OCD or any other mental/physical problems we face, there are people out there who keep living.
Find those people. Learn their techniques. See what works for them. Do what you agree with. Then leave.
Because you don’t want your life to revolve around your problem. Debbie Downers online and offline do just that.
They fall down, stay down and then try to drag you down too. They’re the ones who keep comparing your problem to people who are “better off”. They’re the ones searching online for a cure when there is none. They’re the ones who only contribute something negative.
Stay away from them. Don’t feed off their worries, fears and problems.
You have enough of your own.
So, while your problem will always be there, you will learn to live with it. When I say “live” I mean it. You’ll live your life as you used to, but with the problem at the very back of your mind, somewhere you’ll see it from time to time but not care. You might completely forget about it.
And then you’ll be free.
Step Five-List everything you’ve ever overcome!
Everything, big or small. It could be recent or ages ago. Maybe you overcame it alone or as a team. Don’t hesitate! Write everything down. It’s all important because it all shapes you and your mental make up.
Now, look over the list and note two things:
One, your current problem might be on the list. This shows that you do have the ability to achieve your goal. Despite feeling sorry for yourself back then, you moved on from that period. If you do something once, there’s no reason why you can’t do it again.
No reason. Just excuses.
Two, you overcame them. Be proud! You either fixed the problems or managed them.
So why can’t you do it again?
No reason. Just excuses.
Now get started.