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Cutting Fitness: High Intensity Shaming, I mean, Training!

Cutting Fitness: High Intensity Shaming, I mean, Training!

No, not HIIT. That’s tough cardio that makes you wanna die…or at least stop. No, we’re talking about her twin brother, HIT (High Intensity Training). They’re similar because they’re both quick and they’re both really tough. They also sculpt bodies into peak condition, but that doesn’t matter because they’re still hard work. If you want something easy, keep looking. Go for a gentle stroll to the TV. Maybe meditate for a minute or so when you feel like it. Or do nothing.

Yeah, that’ll work…

“I’m female. I’m not allowed to lift weights!” somebody exclaims.

I think that’s a myth

“What about calorie burn?” nobody asks.

HIT doesn’t care about them. It focuses on calorie intake to lose fat, not exercising until you pass out.


“So I can’t do ten hours of cardio twice a day so I can eat a couple of cupcakes? I can’t wear a heart rate monitor 24hrs a day to track how many calories stretching and smiling and washing and peeing burns? Terrible! At least tell me I’ll waste hours a day doing it? Then I can complain about not having time to exercise, which means I can binge eat instead…”

For the second, and last time, you don’t track calorie burn. You can’t do it accurately anyway. The emphasis is on watching what you eat. Then you won’t get stuck in the “eat it, burn it” cycle.

“But I like that cycle,” somebody cries. “Why reward yourself with clothes, shoes, music, make-up, DVDs, games, holidays, a gorgeous new body that attracts hot guys/gals, which leads to a happy marriage, kids, and the cutest puppy you’ve ever seen…when you could have a brownie? I love brownies…”

Trying HIT revealed how backward the system is. Since when can you do ONE set of weight lifting? ONE, of each exercise. And not a hundred exercises. It could be 5-10. Yeah, moving slowly made it tougher, but still…I was done in 30 mins. That includes changing the weights, warming up, cooling down, and stretching.

“30 mins? Ha! Too easy! You lazy–”


No, it was hard. Doing one set seems easy, but with heavy weights you increase over time, it’ll get harder…and shape your body even more. This is terrible for people who want a 3 hr long programme they must do at an expensive gym. This HIT crap can be done at home! What will I do with all the money saved up for gym membership fees? No more sharing sweaty machines, no more wannabe trainers stalking me or awkward shower moments where you can’t help but glance over because she/he looks so much better–I digress. Apologies…

“Fine! I’ll only do 30 mins a day, and find some way to fill the other time. Okay, okay. At least it’s 6-7 times a week.”

Actually, it can be 2-3 times a week. Some go so hard they do it once.

“Liar!”

After such a tough workout with weights, your body needs time to rest and strengthen itself for the next session. Instead of doing Mon-Sun, they could do Mon, Wed, and Fri. Watching what they eat takes care of the fat. No fancy routines, regimes, regiments, bootcamps, expensive DVD sets, balls, kettlebells, mats, bulky machines, personal trainers, or anything else that makes your bank balance cry.

“So…it’s cheap, accessible, quick, infrequent, effective…This sounds too good to be true. Who’s pushing this crap?”

A guy called Drew Baye. He tries to hide his scheming ways behind affordable ebooks like this one, and a free blog, but he can’t be, you know, nice. Sure, he mentions how dangerous some fad workouts are. He acknowledged that he’d be rich if he didn’t have a conscience. But still, a quick, effective, affordable workout sounds too good to be true! Where’s the “Lose 100 pounds in 100 minutes!!!!” claim? He seems sincere, which is quite unsettling…I hate not being screwed over! I’ve got money. I just need someone to take it off me, darn it!

“Don’t cry. We’ll find a con artist and some dangerous, expensive, ineffective, only works in the infomercials, nonsense workout we’ll try for a week before giving up. Just give it time…”


Photo: Image courtesy of skeeze/pixabay.com

Cutting Fitness: 5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Lift Weights

Cutting Fitness: 5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Lift Weights

Aerobics, dancing, running, and much more. Women really can do it all. They need to keep fit now they’re more active outside the home. No matter how fantastically fit they become, there is one exercise they’re still not allowed to do. The one, the only, strength training. Women can climb every mountain, conquer every continent, and swim every sea, but they are forbidden from lifting more than a two-pound dumbbell. Here are five reasons why.

1. Metabolism Booster

It’s a myth that a pound of muscle burns 50 calories a day. However, muscle does burn more than fat, three times more. Just 10 pounds of extra muscle a year would burn off almost twenty-two thousand calories. Muscle also burns extra calories during exercise, so you’ll get another boost! This is a disaster because women should not burn extra calories. The more calories you burn, the more you can eat. Women aren’t supposed to eat too much.

2. Sexy Definition

Some people don’t like women with defined bodies. Muscular biceps, triceps, thighs, and calves are avoided by not doing strength training. Women can easily avoid celebrity abs, toned arms, and firm thighs by avoiding strength training. Normal women should stick with the saggy, flabby, jiggly look.

3. Time-Saver

Another myth is that exercise should take hours a day. It’s the perfect excuse for people not to bother exercising at all. For once, an excuse is a good thing! Intense strength training boosts your metabolism for up to 24 hours after your session ends. This means you could do as little as 15 minutes today and keep burning calories until tomorrow. Cardio calorie burn only lasts up to an hour after you finish. Ladies, keep doing those three-hour exercise marathons. Let the men do quick sessions and get on with their busy lives.

4. Aerobic

Yes, strength training is also aerobic. Just watch an intense strength training to see the buckets of sweat, pink puffy cheeks, and out-of-breath men struggling to lift that dumbbell. Lifting weights, even very slowly, works the body hard. Your muscles, joints, bones, and fat are working harder than ever, so it’s natural that you get out of breath. Of course women shouldn’t do this. They should stick with hours of cardio aerobics instead of brief, effective workouts with weights.

5. Strong Bones

Speaking of joints and bones, strength training works them too. This might not seem like a big deal when you’re young, but it will during your twilight years. For women, menstrual cycles drain our bodies of iron, which weakens our bones and joints. When we hit menopause, old age sets in, so our bones and joints don’t get a chance to recover. Good. Women should have weak bones and joints because then we’re at risk of anaemia, osteoporosis, and general aches and pains. You’ll enjoy doing hours of cardio with bad knees and exhaustion (anaemia does that…). Oh well.

A higher metabolism, a celebrity body, more spare time, better fitness, and strong bones for life are five reasons why women shouldn’t strength train. The life improvement lifting weights causes should be for men only. Women can stick with cardio and tiny dumbbells a baby could lift while men will get the fantastic benefits of weight lifting.
Sounds fair to me.

Photo: Image courtesy of Shsabinemondestin/pixabay.com.

Cutting Fitness: Free Your Inner Animal! Animal Fitness Exclusive!

Cutting Fitness: Free Your Inner Animal! Animal Fitness Exclusive!

Animal Fitness Exclusive!

With paleo and primal fitness taking the world by storm,  I decided to cash in delve into this topic. In short, paleo and primal fitness involves going back to our roots. Not our parents or grandparents, but cavemen and prehistoric ancestors. Paleo and primal living means you eat and exercise freely, not obsessively, and cut down, or out, certain foods like grains and carbs. In contrast with most fitness programs, paleo and primal living are the ultimate freedom…

Okay, enough with that nonsense. Let’s get down to business!

If you’re going back to your roots, go ALL THE WAY! The cavemen and gals weren’t here first. Animals were. How many unfit dinosaurs were there? Exactly! Obviously animals know how to keep slim and trim, but which animal sets the best example? Cheetahs? Horses? Dogs? Don’t be silly! The obvious choices are…

1. SLOTHS: Slow as a Sloth!

Animal Fitness‘s exercise routine is simple because there isn’t one. No fitness charts for the next 60 days. No reps, sets, and exercises to memorise. No getting out of breath. No getting sweaty. Anyone can do this because there is only ONE, easy rule: Slow down.

To follow the way of the sloth, move slowly so you’ve got time to absorb your surroundings. Sloths move as fast as 2 metres per minute. In today’s fast paced world, it’s nice to have time to enjoy just being. Don’t move too quickly or you’ll burn lots of calories and end up with a hot, sexy body that’s perfect for the beach. We don’t want that! Move slower to lower your metabolism. A sluggish metabolism makes it harder to lose weight. This is brilliant for everyone who wants lose weight! Keep fighting!

2. ELEPHANTS: Eat like an Elephant!

Animal Fitness‘s nutrition is easy and enjoyable. There’s no low carb, low protein, low fat, low calorie, etc plans to follow. You won’t cut out meat, grains, fruit, food, etc. You won’t have to be non-alcoholic. Every animal does Intuitive Eating like this, not calorie counting or portion watching. Eat and drink to your heart’s desire like your pets do!

To follow the way of the elephant, elephants eat 300kg (approx 600lbs) a day. No more turning down tasty food or drinks. Eat, eat, and drink. It feels great when food in your stomach weighs more than you! My body weighs 135lbs right now, but stepping on the scale to see 700lbs+ always makes me smile. Last week the scale broke when I stepped on…Anyway, with my sloth-like metabolism, it’ll take a week for food to make it through my digestive system. Brilliant backlog!

3. CHAMELEONS: Commit like a Chameleon!

The so-called experts say we should commit to ONE routine for 4-6 weeks while it works it’s magic. What’s the alternative? Do a new workout every session, but eventually that gets boring too. What’s the right alternative? Animal Fitness! It takes a varied healthy lifestyle to a whole new level.

Chameleons blend with their surroundings. That’s the Animal Fitness way! If someone is jogging down the street, start jogging too. If someone is binge eating, stuff your face too. If someone is regaining, get fat again too. Make sure that you don’t stand out! Individuals do whatever it takes to get fit. They’re the ones with a six pack and gorgeous figure. Screw them! Why hit the gym with hot abs when you can be fat and unhappy with friends? Aw, good times…

So the next time you hear that Paleo nonsense or get the urge to Grok on Primal style, stick your fingers in your ears and run…slowly like a sloth. When you get home, eat everything in the kitchen like an elephant would. If you run out of food, binge at the supermarket instead. Don’t exercise unless others are – remember, chameleons aren’t individuals – and don’t go overboard or you’ll burn off the 600lbs of food!  

Photo: Image courtesy of 825545/pixabay.com.