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Tag: How NOT To

How NOT To…Publish

How NOT To…Publish

baby with pencil

Finally, the book no one was waiting for! Zada Green’s How NOT To…Publish. Authors, are you Silvia Sloth or Rachel Redraft? Readers, are you Samuel Snob or Harper High Rating? Editors, are you Fabio Fad or Renee Rewrite? Here’s THE guide to personalities that’ll kill publishing careers before they even start. If you relate to them, you’re in trouble…

How NOT to…SUCCEED – 20 Easy Tips!

How NOT to…SUCCEED – 20 Easy Tips!

Success is hard. Really hard. It can happen in a split second. Or a lifetime. Sometimes it never happens at all.

Sucks, doesn’t?

It’s okay, though, because there are 20 great ways to avoid the disappointment of not succeeding.

Yes. I’m talking about failing on purpose.

Failure is easy. That’s why so many people do it. By aiming to fail, you can finally succeed…but at failure.

frustrated Asian woman
See? Failing is easy!

You might think I’ve gone mad. “Why fail on purpose?” you ask. “So I’ll never achieve my goals?”

Yes. Never.

Think about it. Succeeding requires blood, sweat and tears. Goals to achieve. Targets to meet. Intense focus. Sacrifice. Lots of sacrifice. People say it’s worth it, but those people are success stories. They don’t know what they’re talking about.

So, just let go…Give up…Give in…Whatever it is you’ve been aiming for, wishing for, stop. Accept that it’ll never happen. Move back to square one.

But it’s not that easy, is it?

Suddenly failing seems hard. You’ve got all those good habits to ditch e.g. committing to goals, planning, etc. That’s why you need help going backwards. I’m here for you. Together, we can break away from the journey to success and fall back into miserable failure. It’s so much easier in that place.

So, here is a summary of the 20 ways how NOT to succeed. Look over them and pinpoint where you going right, and repent. It’s not too late to go backwards. You’ve done it before. You can do it again. This time, it’ll be for good.

In no particular order, because I’m too lazy to do it:

2. Give up.
7. Be a pessimist.
13. Be money hungry.
20. Don’t plan.
17. Be jealous.
12. Be unmotivated.
4. Blame others.
19. Depend on others.
15. Be scared.
1. Be a saboteur.
18. Ignore leaders.
8. Think short-term.
3. Get a quick fix.
14. Forget the past.
5. No goals.
16. Unrealistic goals.
11. Find distractions.
6. Do nothing.
10. Follow fads.
12. Lower your standards..

See? Over time, each heading will link to more info. Proceed through all 20 to end your journey to success for good.

Always remember these amazing words: Failure IS an option.

They are amazing words because I sent them straight from my heart to yours. For free.

Photo: Image courtesy of Stuart Miles /

How NOT To Be An Author: Pam Promo

How NOT To Be An Author: Pam Promo

After years writing her western-horror-romance epic fantasy, Mrs Pamela Promo is ready to unleash her novel on the world. She’s got an eye-catching cover, top class editing and proof-reading, a killer blurb, and identified her target audience.

So what’s the problem? Promotion.

woman shouting
My book’s out!!!!!

Pam starts her promotion campaign by offering 10 free copies to competition winners. Then she sends out free copies to every book reviewer in the world. Every minute she tweets that her book is available. Every hour her Facebook status plugs her book, and as a reminder, she pokes her family, friends, friends of friends, and complete strangers she added for the sake of it. Her neighbours get postcards, letterheads, business cards, stickers, and glossy signed photos of Pam looking glam. She attends major events in town to read her book, and visits every bookstore in the city to make sure her book is on the shelves. She tried to get a book signing sorted, but ran out of time because…

…That was just day one.

Day two, she does it all again. Rinse and repeat for the next few weeks until book two arrives….

Wow…No wonder she’s called Pam Promo!

Marketing is important for traditionally, self, and e published authors. However, we must maintain the balance between selling ourselves, our book, and WRITING. There’s no point in marketing like mad if there’s only one book to buy. A catalogue of quality work sells by itself hence why some bestsellers don’t even have a website. *Gasp!*

Top authors write under pseudonyms so they can release lots of work sooner rather than later. Top authors aren’t tweeting, facebooking, blogging, myspacing, linkedin…ing, etc several times a day because they’re busy writing! We’re writers, so write!

As an author, I hereby swear to NEVER harass my readers. I won’t re re re re retweet my book release date. I won’t friend you on Facebook just to stalk you when it’s time to buy. I won’t contact you via Myspace because no one goes there anymore. Instead, I will use my skills to notify you of a release date, and then get back to writing so you can get back to reading.


PS. To all the agents, publishers, and readers reading this, don’t get jealous. Your tips are in the book due 2012-2013.

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic /