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Cutting Fitness: High Intensity Shaming, I mean, Training!

Cutting Fitness: High Intensity Shaming, I mean, Training!

No, not HIIT. That’s tough cardio that makes you wanna die…or at least stop. No, we’re talking about her twin brother, HIT (High Intensity Training). They’re similar because they’re both quick and they’re both really tough. They also sculpt bodies into peak condition, but that doesn’t matter because they’re still hard work. If you want something easy, keep looking. Go for a gentle stroll to the TV. Maybe meditate for a minute or so when you feel like it. Or do nothing.

Yeah, that’ll work…

“I’m female. I’m not allowed to lift weights!” somebody exclaims.

I think that’s a myth

“What about calorie burn?” nobody asks.

HIT doesn’t care about them. It focuses on calorie intake to lose fat, not exercising until you pass out.


“So I can’t do ten hours of cardio twice a day so I can eat a couple of cupcakes? I can’t wear a heart rate monitor 24hrs a day to track how many calories stretching and smiling and washing and peeing burns? Terrible! At least tell me I’ll waste hours a day doing it? Then I can complain about not having time to exercise, which means I can binge eat instead…”

For the second, and last time, you don’t track calorie burn. You can’t do it accurately anyway. The emphasis is on watching what you eat. Then you won’t get stuck in the “eat it, burn it” cycle.

“But I like that cycle,” somebody cries. “Why reward yourself with clothes, shoes, music, make-up, DVDs, games, holidays, a gorgeous new body that attracts hot guys/gals, which leads to a happy marriage, kids, and the cutest puppy you’ve ever seen…when you could have a brownie? I love brownies…”

Trying HIT revealed how backward the system is. Since when can you do ONE set of weight lifting? ONE, of each exercise. And not a hundred exercises. It could be 5-10. Yeah, moving slowly made it tougher, but still…I was done in 30 mins. That includes changing the weights, warming up, cooling down, and stretching.

“30 mins? Ha! Too easy! You lazy–”


No, it was hard. Doing one set seems easy, but with heavy weights you increase over time, it’ll get harder…and shape your body even more. This is terrible for people who want a 3 hr long programme they must do at an expensive gym. This HIT crap can be done at home! What will I do with all the money saved up for gym membership fees? No more sharing sweaty machines, no more wannabe trainers stalking me or awkward shower moments where you can’t help but glance over because she/he looks so much better–I digress. Apologies…

“Fine! I’ll only do 30 mins a day, and find some way to fill the other time. Okay, okay. At least it’s 6-7 times a week.”

Actually, it can be 2-3 times a week. Some go so hard they do it once.

“Liar!”

After such a tough workout with weights, your body needs time to rest and strengthen itself for the next session. Instead of doing Mon-Sun, they could do Mon, Wed, and Fri. Watching what they eat takes care of the fat. No fancy routines, regimes, regiments, bootcamps, expensive DVD sets, balls, kettlebells, mats, bulky machines, personal trainers, or anything else that makes your bank balance cry.

“So…it’s cheap, accessible, quick, infrequent, effective…This sounds too good to be true. Who’s pushing this crap?”

A guy called Drew Baye. He tries to hide his scheming ways behind affordable ebooks like this one, and a free blog, but he can’t be, you know, nice. Sure, he mentions how dangerous some fad workouts are. He acknowledged that he’d be rich if he didn’t have a conscience. But still, a quick, effective, affordable workout sounds too good to be true! Where’s the “Lose 100 pounds in 100 minutes!!!!” claim? He seems sincere, which is quite unsettling…I hate not being screwed over! I’ve got money. I just need someone to take it off me, darn it!

“Don’t cry. We’ll find a con artist and some dangerous, expensive, ineffective, only works in the infomercials, nonsense workout we’ll try for a week before giving up. Just give it time…”


Photo: Image courtesy of skeeze/pixabay.com

Cutting Fitness: 5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Lift Weights

Cutting Fitness: 5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Lift Weights

Aerobics, dancing, running, and much more. Women really can do it all. They need to keep fit now they’re more active outside the home. No matter how fantastically fit they become, there is one exercise they’re still not allowed to do. The one, the only, strength training. Women can climb every mountain, conquer every continent, and swim every sea, but they are forbidden from lifting more than a two-pound dumbbell. Here are five reasons why.

1. Metabolism Booster

It’s a myth that a pound of muscle burns 50 calories a day. However, muscle does burn more than fat, three times more. Just 10 pounds of extra muscle a year would burn off almost twenty-two thousand calories. Muscle also burns extra calories during exercise, so you’ll get another boost! This is a disaster because women should not burn extra calories. The more calories you burn, the more you can eat. Women aren’t supposed to eat too much.

2. Sexy Definition

Some people don’t like women with defined bodies. Muscular biceps, triceps, thighs, and calves are avoided by not doing strength training. Women can easily avoid celebrity abs, toned arms, and firm thighs by avoiding strength training. Normal women should stick with the saggy, flabby, jiggly look.

3. Time-Saver

Another myth is that exercise should take hours a day. It’s the perfect excuse for people not to bother exercising at all. For once, an excuse is a good thing! Intense strength training boosts your metabolism for up to 24 hours after your session ends. This means you could do as little as 15 minutes today and keep burning calories until tomorrow. Cardio calorie burn only lasts up to an hour after you finish. Ladies, keep doing those three-hour exercise marathons. Let the men do quick sessions and get on with their busy lives.

4. Aerobic

Yes, strength training is also aerobic. Just watch an intense strength training to see the buckets of sweat, pink puffy cheeks, and out-of-breath men struggling to lift that dumbbell. Lifting weights, even very slowly, works the body hard. Your muscles, joints, bones, and fat are working harder than ever, so it’s natural that you get out of breath. Of course women shouldn’t do this. They should stick with hours of cardio aerobics instead of brief, effective workouts with weights.

5. Strong Bones

Speaking of joints and bones, strength training works them too. This might not seem like a big deal when you’re young, but it will during your twilight years. For women, menstrual cycles drain our bodies of iron, which weakens our bones and joints. When we hit menopause, old age sets in, so our bones and joints don’t get a chance to recover. Good. Women should have weak bones and joints because then we’re at risk of anaemia, osteoporosis, and general aches and pains. You’ll enjoy doing hours of cardio with bad knees and exhaustion (anaemia does that…). Oh well.

A higher metabolism, a celebrity body, more spare time, better fitness, and strong bones for life are five reasons why women shouldn’t strength train. The life improvement lifting weights causes should be for men only. Women can stick with cardio and tiny dumbbells a baby could lift while men will get the fantastic benefits of weight lifting.
Sounds fair to me.

Photo: Image courtesy of Shsabinemondestin/pixabay.com.

Cutting Fitness: The Best Fitness Routine EVER!

Cutting Fitness: The Best Fitness Routine EVER!

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you another CUTTING FITNESS exclusive!

After spending ten long seconds in deep thought, and using the best of my fitness ‘expertise’, I have devised the BEST FITNESS ROUTINE…EVER! That’s right! If you’re sick and tired of fun, effective, body sculpting, toning, ab definition, etc then follow this plan to achieve the ultimate success! Even better, you can tailor the program to suit your needs.

Read on.

1. Exercise Duration

Ideally, the BEST FITNESS ROUTINE EVER should last for 3-4 hrs every day.Yes, workouts like HIIT burn more fat long term BUT we’re not talking about that! Choose ‘steady state’ cardio so you can workout for hours. Do less than 3 hrs and you’re lazy. Do more than 4hrs and you’re a show off. Stick to the plan!

2. Morning Workouts

Now it’s time to plan how you’ll break up the 3-4 hr long workout. Exercise in the morning, but you must complete the whole session (3-4hrs) before 11:59:59 am. After 12pm you’ve entered the afternoon, which is closer to the evening. The evening leads to the night, and you know what happens at night, don’t you? Your metabolism slooooooows down and stores everything you eat, drink, and breathe as fat! If you don’t believe me, try it! Eat ONE grape at 10pm and see what happens on the scale tomorrow…

3. Body Toning

Some people believe weights will make you bulky. Others say strength training makes you slim. Assume they’re both right and wrong by compromising! Lift light weights (no more than 0.5kg/1lb) at least 5 times a week – every day if you’ve got a close deadline. This way you’ll enjoy a slight tingle while you tone, but no burn or soreness with BIG muscles. Remember, women shouldn’t be physically strong. That’s what men are for.

4. Push Through Injuries

So-called experts say you shouldn’t exercise when injured. As usual, I disagree. When you’re working out and injured, the pain pushes you to finish faster. If you slack off then remember this: the longer you workout the worse your injury will be. Waste enough time and your injury could end up being permanent, so hurry up!!!!

5. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition!

Whatever exercise you choose, do it forever. Your body will get used to the routine, and burn less calories as a result, but so what? By that time you’ll be maintaining your weight and fitness, so calorie burn won’t matter anymore. Yes, you might get bored and stop working out altogether, but that’s your problem, not mine. I don’t care It doesn’t matter how many reps or sets you do, but I suggest at least 200 reps of 50 sets every day.

Now you know the BEST FITNESS ROUTINE EVER! I shouldn’t have revealed this industry secret, but I know you’ll keep it to yourself. If you’ve been wondering how Michelle Obama got those arms, Britney got those abs, and Beyonce got those legs, and the cast of 300 got everything…Keep wondering. Anyway, this routine should get you in shape fast! Obey the 5 rules and you’ll be smoking hot on the beach (Hot dudes!) or wind up in hospital with serious injury (Hot nurses!). See why this is the BEST FITNESS ROUTINE…ever?

Photo: Image courtesy of RyanMcGuire/pixabay.com.